you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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