Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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