Your dad touched me again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
