Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
