Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
