At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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