you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
