Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
