Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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