Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
