is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
