I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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