she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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