I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
