Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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