would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
