i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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