Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have fence marks all over my body
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
