I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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