She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
