i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
