My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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