think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
