My hand turned me down
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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