just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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