i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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