im having a threesome with these popsicles
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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