I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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