I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
