I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
