i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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