Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
