if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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