I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
