And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
