As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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