There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
