adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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