I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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