He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You ate ashes out of my bong
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
