so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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