I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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