Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
