We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
