Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
