Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
