My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
