I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
