see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
