They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dignity is for republicans.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
