i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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